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Patience is the hardest virtue to maintain during infertility. I know we all struggle with this. It's hard to avoid because most of the infertility journey involves waiting. Waiting to ovulate, then the 2ww. Waiting for your next doctor's appointment. Waiting for AF to show so you can try a new treatment. Waiting for that elusive BFP that seems to be so freely given to others but withheld from you. It's a never ending cycle and I find that the longer we are TTC, the harder it gets.
Sometimes I get this panicked feeling, like if we don't take action NOW that it will never happen for us. I know this isn't logical, but I have this idea that maybe someone else will get pregnant before I do and that in some way they will take my chance. Like the stork will pass us over indefinitely for someone else. Maybe someone more patient.
Honestly, at times I feel like infertility makes me crazy. I feel this desperation and an urgency to try something new or to move forward with treatment. And I have to talk myself out of this anxious feeling every now and then. I have to convince myself that it will happen, and a few weeks or a month delay doesn't mean that the world is going to end.
I hope I'm not alone in feeling this way. Patience is a struggle and I really have a hard time maintaining it. I most definitely am not "enduring well." Especially after years of waiting, I have a hard time keeping the faith. But somehow I hold on to a glimmer of hope, and that's what keeps me going.
How do you stay patient on this journey?
This post is linked up here at Amateur Nester.
I understand the impatience and the frustration! You are definitely not alone with feeling this way at all. Though I'm at the beginning of my journey I get so frustrated with everything that has to be put on hold and not moving in the time I need it to. But lately I've been building patience by finding joy in the things that are available to me now. It's a healthy distraction until other things arise.
ReplyDeleteThat's true, there are a lot of things that I do now that I take for granted and probably won't be able to do as often when we finally have a baby. I think some home improvement projects are in my future!
DeleteI stay patient by keeping myself busy. I took a break from fertility treatments when it all started to become overwhelming. I needed to recollect my sanity. Now, 6 months later, I'm ready to begin again.
ReplyDeleteI will probably need a break if this upcoming IVF cycle fails. We've spent a year waiting for it but I will probably need some time to regain my sanity if we have a negative outcome. Maybe a vacation would be in order...
DeleteHow do I keep patient? Haha. I don't. The best I've been able to do is distract myself by making sure I don't have any free time or any time alone, particularly during the TWW. So no, you are definitely not the only one who struggles with patience. The march of time is so suffocating.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping with the holidays coming up that there will be plenty of distractions for me. But I have a feeling I will still be eager and impatient when those distractions fail :)
DeleteHi from ICLW! Staying patient is SO hard! Nearly impossible! I always tell friends to try and find something distracting, but let's be honest, does it really ever work? Not usually :) XOX
ReplyDeleteTrue, I've never found the "secret" to fully distract myself. But I'm hoping with the holidays coming up that I have enough to keep me busy for a while :)
DeleteI have felt the exact same way. For years, even though we knew we'd never get pregnant naturally, I would ovulate and panic, thinking we had to try just in case there was a miracle. And nothing about the treatments are quick or easy. At one point I actually started a pinterest board with mantras and quotes about patience. I also tried doing something nice for myself once a week, which was usually yoga - that helped a bit as well. Nothing is a silver bullet though, unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteYoga is a great idea. I've been meaning to purchase a yoga mat but haven't gotten around to it. Maybe now is a good time! :)
DeleteSo agree - it's definitely an active thing... waiting!!! We aren't just supposed to sit around and wait, but be active while waiting!!!
ReplyDeleteRefuse to believe that it will always be this way. Absolutely refuse.
ReplyDeleteInfertility is the truest "hurry up and wait" situation ever. We live a month after month cycle of hope and disappointment.
ReplyDeleteWhat keeps me going? Thinking of my son's little sibling that surely must come someday. :)
Im a first time visitor from ICLW and you are certainly not alone in feeling this way. Infertility is very much a hurry up and wait situation. I always felt like I had to have my next three steps planned out - Plan A, B and C (well, more like, plans D, E, and F). When I was in treatment, I remember hearing (maybe from the Bitter Infertiles podcast?) that there is not an infinite number of babies in the world. No one can get my chance and no one else being pregnant decreased my chance. That really helped me, because I would often fall prey to the idea that someone elses pregnancy decreased my chance of success.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like IF is just one big hurry up and wait! And then it continues even after a bfp! I am not a very patient person myself, so I can completely relate to how you are feeling. Good luck as you venture into your next IVF!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
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